30 things I've learned on the Road to 30


Today marks exactly one week since I've turned thirty--and I'm loving it so far.  There is seems to be a sort of shifting that happened--a space that opened up.  A void for many of my insecurities to fall through, emptying the space so that self love could take its place.  Though I am far from fully healed, fully formed and fully adult to be honest, I feel as though I am on my way.  I no longer live in a space of shame and regret.  Instead, I acknowledge my shortcomings, and accept them, embrace them.  Fully knowing that some will fade with more growth and maturity, others will take consistent work, and others still I will have to accept as a part of my being.  I don't need to be perfect, I need to be whole.  And completion requires both the best and the worst parts of me; refined into an unique being full of contradictions and oddities juxtaposed with the banal.

So in these short 30 years, here's what I've come to know in no particular order.  Take what you need from it, disregard what you don't and continue on the path of living your very best life.

  1. Trust Yourself. 
  2. Not Everyone/everything deserves your best.
  3. People love their delusions--let them live in them.
  4. Don't shrink yourself for anyone else's comfort, because they certainly will never do the same for you.
  5. People who love you will listen.
  6. Tell people what you want/expect from them. Then give them time to try and meet your needs.
  7. Be compassionate, but not a fool.
  8. Some people really and truly ain't shit.  So don't feel bad about treating them accordingly.
  9. Fuck being "nice."  Niceness is not the same thing as kindness, compassion or any of the other virtues it is usually associated with.  It should be an active choice, not a reflex.  Otherwise, it isn't real.
  10. You cannot control other people's behavior, but you can insist on your own boundaries and what behaviors you will accept from them.  
  11. Some people will never, ever get out of middle school.
  12. Read more books, magazines, theory articles--and anything else that stimulates your mind as much as possible.  Because if you don't you will find yourself in a state of insanity.
  13. Don't be ashamed of being intelligent.  Your intellect is your greatest asset.  
  14. Every once and a while, reevaluate and test your belief systems and/or ideals.  Do they still hold true?  If not, chuck them.
  15. Sexism aside, "Basic Bitch" is the best/most accurate colloquialism ever invented.
  16. Learn to honor your so-called "vices."
  17. Not everything is subjective.  Universal truths exist; don't be afraid to fight for them.
  18. Don't play to your lowest self, you will never grow that way.
  19. Master or gain expertise in something before you move on to something else.
  20. You have the right to be beautiful.  
  21. Suffering is okay and at times necessary.
  22. Learn to be comfortable with discomfort.
  23. Good Friendships are invaluable.  Learn to be better at cultivating them.
  24. Love yourself now.
  25. Don't settle.
  26. Be honest with yourself.
  27. Write.
  28. Dance.
  29. Sing.
  30. The only validation you need, is your own.

Photo Credit:

Steven Trotman